


Through the Morning, Through the Night

by Talullah



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-14 00:43:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2171475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talullah/pseuds/Talullah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lady writes a book. Consequences ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Morning, Through the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to jaiden_s for the beta. All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> The title and the quote lyrics are from "Through the Morning, Through the Night" a song I came to know by Alison Krauss' voice but written by Gene Clark.
> 
> [Disclaimer/Blanket Statement](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Talullah/profile)

_I dreamed just last night, you were there by my side  
Your sweet loving tenderness easing my pride_

Ernie threw down the thin volume. It landed on the worn dusty couch, the only luxury in his trailer. Damn. He was happy now or at least content with his life. Why had he spoken to the woman about the things of the past? And why had she kept her promise to write the darn thing. He idly paced the trailer, fighting down the temptation of grabbing a phone and calling her up to say of his mind. It wasn't right. It just wasn't right. And yet hadn't she managed to tell it like it was? Sure, she had changed his name and Jake's too. And there was no Brokeback Mountain, only ole Moose Mountain. But the story...

The writer's lies told the truth better than he could ever dream of doing himself. His eyes had even misted there at the end. But Jake was not dead and therefore he, Ernie, could never be at peace. Not like that chap Ennis at the end of the book. That bit she had gotten right, too - he and Jake hadn't spoken in so long that it was almost as if Jake had died. Except that Ernie thought about him day and night. He resisted the temptation of going to the closet and feeling the shirt, the only memento he had. Instead, he went out to mend that darn fence that kept giving trouble.

He had worked plenty through the afternoon and he had almost succeeded in taking his mind off things, but now it was night and Ernie lay all alone on his single bed, wishing for a warm body by his side, the hard planes of Jake, or maybe not so hard now - the last time they had met the cowboy was developing a 'love handle' and although he hadn't tried it, Ernie thought he would like that even. He had always loved everything about Jake.

Sick of tossing and turning, he turned on the light and reached for the book. The kiss scene... darn woman, how could she have known it was just like that? Ernie had been very, very drunk and terribly maudlin when he had met her at a roadside bar, and he had over talked, but she was so eager and his chest was so full of things... Still, it was uncanny how right she had gotten them both.

He wondered if Jake had read it. Probably not, Neither of them was the reading kind and he had only known the book existed because the cheeky little woman had sent him a copy with a note of thanks, expressing her regard for him and her sympathy for his situation. Screw her sympathy - he wanted and needed Jake, not that bullshit. Only that Jake had left it pretty clear he wanted nothing more to do with him.

He was tempted to pick up the phone right there in the middle of the night, but the thought that Jake's fella would answer it stopped him right there in his tracks.

He had gone a long way in accepting that Jake deserved more than he had been willing to offer, but Ernie still had trouble swallowing it down that another man had taken his place- He'd figure out something. He just knew he had made a big mistake and that he wanted Jake back, even if some day his worst fears came true.

* * *

_The bond has been broken, the promise you made  
Those words that were spoken, I cannot be your slave_

Ernie felt stupid. He had mailed Jake the book and a note, a shy one, the only kind he seemed to know how to write, but two days later he had just said 'sod it' and got into his battered pick-up truck and started the long journey to Texas. He was old, dammit, too old at 45 for this shit, but he had to know. Jake had already told him once in no uncertain terms that it was over but he could not believe it, not after what they'd been through. He had left his riffle home. A country boy out on the road without a backup - he felt naked, but he remembered Jake's mouth twisting in disgust and accusation the last time the had met, quoting his own words,.' I'll kill you Jake, if you get another man.' Ernie had meant it too. He would have killed, probably not Jake but certainly the bastard who had come in between them.

But not now. His murderous jealousy wasn't completely gone, but it was dormant enough, he hoped. He drove eight hours straight and then found a place to park and sleep for a few hours.

When he woke up, his neck hurt, his mouth was thick with thirst and his bladder screamed for relief. In the cold morning sun, the whole thing looked like a terrible idea. Ernie stretched, massaged his neck and went out to pee. He would find a diner, get some breakfast into his stomach and drive back, stop being a fool.

But as he ate the too burned bacon and the too runny eggs, he kept thinking that's why Jake had cut him off - he was a pussy. He had been too afraid then and even now, when his life tasted like ash and he knew only the sight of Jake could make it less squalid, he was ready to leave, making excuses for himself. Ernie looked into the greasy mirror in front of him and he saw a coward. He didn't like the sight particularly. He paid and left.

Finding Jake's ranch wasn't hard. Apparently, he was doing well - Laurie's money had left him well-off. The gates were open, but Ernie didn't feel exactly welcome. He parked outside and walked all the way to the house through the dusty road.

He looked around and saw a busy hand passing by, leading a horse by the lead. The man nodded, and for a moment Ernie imagined it was Jake's beau.

He took his hat off and climbed the stairs, hesitating one last time before ringing the bell.

Some noise came from inside the house and a few moments later Jake was standing behind the screen door, the surprise in his face turning into a smile, turning into a frown.

"Ernie!"

Ernie had expected a colder greeting but the fact was that Jake wasn't moving to open the door.

"Jake," he carefully replied.

"I wanted to call but..."

"No, no, come in." Jake opened the door and made way for Ernie to pass.

"I got the book you sent. Started readin' it last night."

"Mmm, yeah."

"Damn, man," Jake said, slapping Ernie's back. "It's good to see you."

Suddenly Ernie relaxed. Jake could never hold a grudge. The one that could give him trouble was his new man. Ernie looked around, searching for a trace of him.

"Paul's not in, if that's what you're thinking," Jake said, his smiled suddenly gone.

"I'm not here to make trouble, you know, "Ernie replied.

Jake nodded. "It's good seeing you. I know harsh words were said but I could never hate you."

They stared at each other silently until Jake said, "Come, let's go to the kitchen and have some coffee. Ernie followed him, noticing plenty of boxes and empty places where the furniture used to be.

"Planning on moving?" he asked nonchalantly.

Jake snorted. "Not quite. C'mon."

The kitchen was in similar shape, but Jake managed to find a pot and make some coffee. It was horrid, but Ernie had bitterly missed it.

"That book of yours..."

"It ain't mine."

"It sure looks like you and me. Who's this Annie chick? Are you dating them intellectual folk these days?"

The carefully casual curiosity in Jake's tone made Ernie's eyebrow raise.

"No. She's just a woman I met when I was drunk and talked too much, that's all. I was as surprised as you with the book."

"So why are you here?"

"I needed to see you."

They sipped their coffee, gauging each other.

"Well," Jake said after a while. "You were just in time. I'm moving out next week."

"Why?" Ernie asked, noting that Jake hadn't asked him why he needed to see him.

"The business... "Jake lowered his head and sighed. "The business has been better. We started having trouble with some buyers once word got out that me and Paul weren't just buddies, then to make it worse the sonovabitch took all he could from the bank and left. I sold before the bank foreclosed. I have a buddy there who's delayed the paper work long enough to give me a chance of finding a buyer. In the end, I got enough to pay the mortgage off and for a few months."

"Gee... I'm sorry to hear that." Ernie was sorry for Jake, for seeing his dream of owning a ranch going up in smoke, but he was real happy that Paul had left the picture.

"Do you need a hand with anything," he offered.

"Nah... it's all been taken care of. You know what? I'm almost kind of relieved."

Ernie raised an eyebrow. "You've always wanted this..."

"I wanted it with you."

Jake scratched his head. "Paul's heart was never into this and I kept thinking on what you'd do differently."

"Jake..." Ernie rose and tried to touch Jake.

"Now, now," Jake said slithering back. "That would be easy, wouldn't it? You know I'm here needing a shoulder. Still carrying a torch for you... but the thing is that Paul spoiled me. I really am done with hunting trios and hiding around."

"That's what I came to tell you."

"What, that now you want to set up a ranch with me? Couldn't have done it when we were young? And what about Paul and my life? You didn't know what had happened. Was I supposed to leave everything all of a sudden for you?"  
Jake had literally screamed Ernie into a corner.

Ernie raised his hands in a placating gesture. "It wasn't like that. It was the book."

"What? You read a book and decided to just drop by and tell me... what? Because I don't really know, do I?"

"Jeez, no. It's just that in the book you die. You die, Jake and I didn't want another day to go by without telling you..."

Ernie frowned and swallowed the words. Everything had all of a sudden turned awfully touchy-feely and he didn't know how to do that. He caught Jake's face in his hands. "I missed you every day. Every single one. I was a fool."

He leaned to kiss Jake, but Jake turned his head.

"My life's falling apart for the second time and it ain't exactly easy. So don't come here promising things you know you can't give."

He stepped away and looked at Ernie. "You're welcome to stay the night but in your own room."

"That's harsh."

"It's the way it is."

Jake finished his coffee and rinsed his mug.

"C'mon, I'll show you around." He said to Ernie who still stood in the empty refrigerator spot.

The ranch was more or less what Ernie had expected. Jake hadn't done that bad for himself in his day and it was sad seeing it go, even it Jake said it wasn't.

Night came and they went back to the house to eat canned bean stew by candlelight as the electricity had been disconnected already.

The talk was easy and smooth, but there were occasional moments of tension whenever future plans were mentioned. Jake showed Ernie to an empty room and left with a 'G'dnight'.

The next morning they woke early and again Ernie offered to help around. Jake thanked him but refused. They had their coffee in silence and Ernie felt that his stay had exceeded his welcoming.

"Well, I'll be off then," he said once he finished his coffee. "If you ever change your mind, you know where I live."

Jake nodded. "I'll walk you to your truck."

They walked in awkward silence until they reached the gates and the tired old Ford.

"Well, that's it, then," Jake said.

Ernie shrugged and clutched at the handle of the driver's door. This was wrong. But now he knew how Jake had felt when he had sent him away.

"Jake..." he started. Looking up, searching for Jake's eyes.

Jake took a hand to his forehead and rubbed the two lines there.

"Ernie, I can't deal with this right now. I appreciate you comin' but..."

Ernie nodded.

"Can I call you now and then, at least?"

"Yeah, I s'pose."

* * *

Ernie drove all the way back thinking in circles. He was glad that the Proulx woman had written the book. At least he had spoken with Jake and it hadn't been so bad.

Bit it hadn't been good either. Jake hadn't given him much to hold on to. He hadn't given him nothing, except a tired, "Yeah, you can call."

He felt around for the piece of paper in his shirt pocket. Ernie went back to his life but he really couldn't think of anything other than Jake. After a week, he picked up the phone and dialed the number. A nice lady picked it up and informed him that Jake was not in his room.

He had meant to call later, but Junior came by with her girls and before he knew it, it was too late to call.

Another week passed and he didn't call. Then Saturday afternoon, he was in and bored and instead of doing a much needed cleaning he sat on the couch with the phone on his lap. He stared at it for a while, then picked it up and made the call. This time the nice lady took her time to pick up. She hurriedly called Jake. Ernie understood that he was leaving.

"Ernie, yeah, listen, here's my new phone number, he said before shooting out a too-fast '994-5986'. "I'm moving and I can't talk right now. Call me later, will you?"

Ernie hung up and crunched the paper with the new number into his jean's pockets.

A week passed, the jeans were laundered and Ernie resignedly tossed out the white and blue mess on his pocket. It wasn't meant to be and he should have known it in the first place.

A month passed. Ernie reread the book and tossed it to the end of the bed. It ended up falling between the bed and the wall and he let it stay there. You know what they say - out of sight... But he kept thinking of Jake, much more than before his useless trip to the ranch. Sometimes he regretted tossing the paper away. He would have called in those moments. Other times he was relieved that it was not there anymore.

Another month passed and he was called for a job over at the Sawtooth Mountains. When he returned, a note stuck from under his door.

_Be back in a week._

_J_

Ernie scratched his head and opened the door with a sigh. Without a date, it was impossible to know when that would be or if the week had passed already, which was the most likely. He tossed his bag to the floor, went to the fridge to get a beer and dropped to the couch. He'd shower later.

Hours later he woke with a stiff neck. Dark had fallen, and glancing at his watch he saw it was past 3 am. He felt wide awake, though. He went to the sink and looked at the mess. The dishes were so dry that the flies had long stopped visiting. He piled them in the sink and left them soaking. The empty cans and bottles were dropped into a black plastic bag. He also stuffed there the junk that was rotting in his fridge. Feeling unusually domestic, he cleared the table from old bills, and passed a wet rag over all surfaces. He was mildly amused by how black the rag was by the time he finished. He stretched and looked around. The floor could use some sweeping but he decided to skip it- the damned kitchen was looking cleaner than it had in a long while. He took off his clothes and left them lying on the floor before heading for the tiny shower.

The hot water relaxed him and made him feel clean and sleepy. He dried himself off and dropped naked to bed.

When morning came he picked up his scattered laundry and headed to the Laundromat shaking his head to himself at his sudden domesticity. Jake could come. What was the point?

* * *

Jake did come, later that week. He sat on Ernie's steps waiting.

"Got beer?" Jake asked as a greeting.

"Sure. Come inside."

Ernie pushed the door back and let Jake pass.

"The place's not much..."

"Well, it's sure better than mine, which is nothing."

"Still moving around?" Ernie asked pointlessly, avoiding the real question.

"Yeah. Trying to find something to do. Thought I'd drop by just to say 'howdy'."

"Sure. The place's no palace but you can stay for as long as you like."

"Well, maybe a couple of days, if that's not too much of a bother..."

Ernie opened the fridge and pulled out two beers. "Sure," he said, handing Jake his beer. "Couch's there."

They settled, nursing their beers, Jake on the couch, Ernie on a chair and Jake started telling Ernie about his adventures on the road.

Half an hour later they went out for pizza and then returned to the trailer, prepared for the night and settled on their beds, darkness and the sound of slow breathing blanketing them.

Jake cleared his throat.

"Ernie?"

"Yeah."

"What you said ... did you mean it?"

"What? Back at the ranch?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I meant it." Ernie's heart started racing.

"I'm tired."

Ernie sat up on his single bed, the sounds of rustling sheets too loud between them.

"I get tired too," he offered.

"And lonely."

"Yeah. But you know I can't go back to what it was before."

"I know. I meant what I said. Hell, I can't afford a real home let along a ranch, but I'm willing to try."

"California."

"You're shitting me."

"No, we could go there. Them folk are really relaxed about... stuff, you know. And we could find something to do."

"My kids are here." Ernie said.

"I knew you weren't for real," Jake said, tossing his sheet back. He rose but Ernie caught him in place.

"I was just sayin'. I'm sick of this too. I can think about California. Just... let me breathe, at least."

Ernie's hands moved up and down Jake's back in soothing circles. They were standing closer than they'd been since Ernie had gone to Jake's ranch, and soon he was stepping closer even, holding Jake tight in his arms.

"I've missed you," he whispered.

Jake finally lifted his arms and held Ernie too, clutching at his shoulders, fingers digging in the flesh.

They turned their faces in synchrony, their mouths finding each other in the half-light. They fell back to the couch bed, Ernie on top of Jake, tearing at his t-shirt. Their legs and arms and tongues entwined and deep hunger surfaced on every gesture, more hasty than tender but never loveless.

* * *

Hours later, Jake woke up and sat at the edge of the bed, naked and without covers. Ernie was glued to his back, snoring lightly. He sighed, pushed Ernie back to make room for himself and tried to fall back to sleep. He couldn't, however, and after a good half an hour watching the moon shadows moving along the room, Ernie grunted and woke.

"What?" he growled.

"Hum?"

"Your fidgeting woke me."

"Sorry."

Ernie turned and punched the pillow. He desperately wanted to sleep, and Jake had thrown and arm around him but he couldn't'.

"What is it, Jake?" He reluctantly asked.

"Nothing."

"You're awake for nothing?"

Jake grunted.

"All right. I was thinking. It's not that it wasn't good, but I can't help thinking it was too easy."

"What, you mean the..."

"Yeah," Jake cut him.

"Now that you got what you wanted, I can see you saying you don't want to come to California."

"That wasn't about it"

"I wish I could believe that."

"I think it would be easier for you if it was like that lady writer put it and I had kicked the bucket."

"Christ, don't say that!" Ernie turned and held Jake. There wasn't a day I didn't think of you. Fuck it. I'll go to California or hell or wherever-"

Ernie jumped out of bed, flipped on the light switch and started tossing things into a duffel bag.

Jake squinted and covered his eyes with his hand.

"The fuck you're doing?"

"Packin' my bags."

"Jesus fuck! Yeah! You are fucking serious."

"Course I am." Ernie replied fetching a pair of jeans from under the bed.

"All right but come to bed okay? We can do that stuff in the morning."

Ernie dropped the bag to the floor and crawled back to the bed until he was lying next to Jake.

"D'ya believe me now?"

"I'll believe it when we're in California. But I'm happy enough right now."

They kissed and nestled together to sleep. They had sated their thirst of each other too many times before that night to celebrate the decision in any other way.

* * *

**Three months later**

Jake came into the trailer, tossed his hat to the table and heeled his boots off.

He dropped to the couch and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. He was too old to be a ranch hand living in a dump but he was happier than he could remember. He heard Ernie's pickup truck parking outside and tried to pull a straight face: he had to 'talk' to him again because of the mess in the kitchen. They'd probably raise their voices a little, say a few harsh words and solve it in bed, even being tired from the day and sweaty as pigs. Damn, San Jose was hot. But they were making better money than in any other place they had lived and things were looking up.

Ernie's footsteps sounded on the stairs and Jake cleared his throat, eyeing the dishes. Then Ernie opened the door and Jake decided fighting could wait.

 

_Finis  
June 2008_


End file.
